Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize