Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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