TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
