I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
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