i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
