I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
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