Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
