OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
