break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
