apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
