as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize