Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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