Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
