I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
