Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I think my fart just growled at me.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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