FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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