I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
