do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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