I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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