Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Randomize
