I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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