After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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