none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
