hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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