I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
