Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
