WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
