you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
