dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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