Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
