dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
are you so shy because you have an std?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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