Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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