Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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