I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
