My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
‎"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
