We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
