I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
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