A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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