I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
