I can text with my tongue
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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