Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
