my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
