Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
