i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
