It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
