i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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