haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
false alarm. still invincible.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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