Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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