I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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