that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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