You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
As shirtless as possible
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
