I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
