what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
If I die, sorry about rent.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
soo... how was my night?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
