Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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