break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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