Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize