He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
50% drunk capacity currently
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
