sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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