; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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