My hand turned me down
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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