The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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