Are we in a gay sports bar?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
