Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
