if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
