If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
