I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
