It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
