My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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