he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
