Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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