Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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