Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
