This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
cat food counts as protein by the way
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize