Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
