I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
